英语幽默笑话

英语幽默笑话
英语幽默笑话

英语幽默笑话
Talking clock
会说话的钟
While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends,a college student led the way into the den."What is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked."That is the talking clock," the man replied."How's it work?"
"Watch," the man said and proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer.Suddenly,someone screamed from the other side of the wall,"Knock it off,you idiot!It's two o'clock in the morning!"
一个学生带他朋友们参观他的新公寓,甚是得意.“那个大铜锣和锤子是干什么用的?”他的一个朋友问他.“那玩意儿厉害了,那是一个会说话的钟”,学生回答.“这钟怎么工作的”,他的朋友问.“看着,别眨眼了”,那学生走上前一把操起铜锣和锤子,拼命地敲了一下,声音震耳欲聋.突然,他们听到隔壁墙那边有人狂叫,“别敲了,你这白痴!现在是凌晨两点钟了!”
Secret For a Long Life
A woman walks up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch.
"I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she says."What's your secret for a long,happy life?"
"I smoke three packs a day,drink a case of whiskey a week,eat fatty foods and never,ever exercise."
"Wow,that's amazing," says the woman."How old are you?"
"Twenty-six."
长寿秘诀
一位女士走向坐在门廊的椅子上摇动的小老头.
“我无意中发现,你是多么幸福,”那女士说.“你幸福而长寿的秘密是什么?”
“我每天抽三包烟,每周喝一箱威士忌,吃高脂肪食品,而且从来不曾锻炼.”
“哦,真神奇,”女士说.“你高寿?”

Mrs Brown went to visit one of her friend and carried a small box with holes punched in the top.
" What's in your box?" asked the friend.
"A cat," answered Mrs Brown. "You see I've been d...

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Mrs Brown went to visit one of her friend and carried a small box with holes punched in the top.
" What's in your box?" asked the friend.
"A cat," answered Mrs Brown. "You see I've been dreaming about mice at night and I'm so scared! This cat is to catch them."
"But the mice are only imaginary," said the friend.
"So is the cat," whispered Mrs Brown.

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Will and Bill were quarrelling about whose father was the stronger.
Will said, "Well, you know the Pacific Ocean ? My father's the one who dug the hole for it."
Bill wasn't impressed, "Well, ...

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Will and Bill were quarrelling about whose father was the stronger.
Will said, "Well, you know the Pacific Ocean ? My father's the one who dug the hole for it."
Bill wasn't impressed, "Well, that's nothing. You know the Dead Sea ? My father's the one who killed it!"
维尔和比尔在斗嘴，争论谁的爸爸更强壮。
维尔说：“喂，你知道太平洋吧？那个坑就是我爸爸挖开的。”
比尔无动于衷：“嗨，那算什么。你知道死海吧？那就是我爸爸打死的！”

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Students asked the professor to exclude a part of the course from the final exam.The professor agreed.Encouraged by the easy success,the students asked to skip another pare of the course,and then agai...

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Students asked the professor to exclude a part of the course from the final exam.The professor agreed.Encouraged by the easy success,the students asked to skip another pare of the course,and then again.However,in the end of the term he did include all the materail in the exam.The class loudly complained:
"Professor,you promised us to skip this stuff!"
The professor answered,"Yes,I did.But I am lied!"
翻译：学生们请求教授在期末考试中排出一部分教程。教授同意了。学生们受到轻而易举就成功的鼓励，又请求再次掠过一部分教学内容，教授又同意了。如此几次。
然而学期末，在考试中所有的内容都囊括其中。学生们大声埋怨到：“教授，你答应我们不考这些的！”
教授答曰“是，是答应了！但是我说谎啦！”
全是我挨个单词输入进去的呀！要是觉得好就采纳吧!呵呵

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HOHO,我这个最简单，最容易。
All of me
Teacher：where were you born?
Student:Singapore,Sir.
Teacher:Which part?
Student:All of me,Sir.